beauty in the desert

so a recent dialogue has brought me to understand further what it means to be in a desert. we know in the christian faith that growth comes from spending time in a desert, but i've been recently challenged in my view of that growth. we see a desert (or tough, barren times) as something to quickly scramble out of in order to continue on our ascent towards perfection. we view the desert as a vital way to grow in our human condition to reach this perfection. but we are already made perfect in Christ. which means that perfection already exists within that desert just as well as perfection exists out of the desert, on that mountain peak.

today as soon as i got off work, i drove to will's work to greet him with a coffee and a muffin. i then stayed with him until he was off, 2 hours later. during those two hours, we sat mostly in silence, but found deep richness in the state of being together. there was something extremely special about it. reflecting on it now, i am truly thankful for this because if it weren't for the job i'm working and the life i'm living, that moment would not have been possible. if it weren't for this desert, i wouldn't have discovered that beauty and perfection lies within it.

peace and joy in a puddle of uncertainty

outside, my life looks pretty standard. inside it feels pretty bizarre. i'm married to the most incredibly sweet and considerate and funny and stone-cold-foxy human being. i work in a coffee shop part-time. i live in a house. we have friends we see occasionally. we eat popcorn and watch movies often. we ski on weekends.

inside, i question a lot.

who... what... where... when... ummmm why?

answers please.

i have a ton of dreams. we could do this at this time in this place for this very great reason. orrrrr what about this? orrrrr ooh ooh this one would be soo great!

i battle with it a lot. there is incredible value (most times it is crucial) in waiting and listening and resting and being uncomfortable in this stand-still. but what about everything that's going on outside of this lovely millarville home? what about clearance and lorraine? what about the mother that abandoned her baby in the dumpster in lloydminster? what about the somalian women in britian who continue to take their young girls to somalia to be circumcised, feeding their own oppression? what about the kids in our schools waiting to discover that they can question? what about the kids who just need someone to see them? what about any of the people here (rich, poor, fat, thin, ... broken) suffering?

there's got to be something brewing for us.

until then, i guessssssss, i will try to be patient. until then, i will embrace the beautiful moments with my husband in this quiet time. i will embrace the peace and joy that somehow exists within this.